I finally had my moment. My moment of mourning and release. After 5 months of highs ad lows of struggling with no pregnancy, learning of infertility, and then to an amazing high of deciding to adopt, I finally cried. I actually bawled. I hadn't cried like that in a long time and it felt amazing.
I don't know why my body wouldn't let me mourn, wouldn't let me feel anything. "I'm fine", was all I ever said to anyone. I felt fine, but there was something brewing deep down that I didn't know about until recently.
Looking back on other difficult issues in my life, I realize that that is how I deal with things, I guess. I feel I need to be the one to help others, I have to be the strong one, they need to cry, they need to let it all out, they need the shoulder. And it isn't until months later that my moment is released.
Anyway, I took a break from conceiving. It was much needed. But now I'm feeling ready to get back on and get back at it. Our chances are incredibly slim, but with Jesus, all things are possible.
Good for you! Mourning and "FEELING" is amazing. So, is trying to conceive. You are SO right that with God, all things are possible. And it is also in HIS timing. You will end up with EXACTLY what is perfect for you and your hubby! He knows the desires of your heart and how amazing you two will be as parents. Keep your head up. Sending lots of baby dust. ;) Where-ever that baby dust comes from! :)
ReplyDelete