I've been talking with my husband a lot lately (it's so refreshing) and the one thing that has come up so much is how much of a planner I am. Everything needs to be planned - I need to get school done by a certain time, I wanted to be single for a certain time, I wanted to have my baby by a certain age, etc. etc. etc.
The more I thought about all of these plans I had made and compared them with what actually happened, the more I'm realizing that I haven't been in tune with what Jesus wants.
Let's step back so you can see what I'm talking about:
I ended an engagement at the ripe ol' age of 18 years old. We weren't together very long, but it was long enough to get together, fall in love, move in, get engaged, and have it all end. It wasn't a great relationship - actually there wasn't any part of it that was good - and so I rebounded hard.
My plan was to go to college, be single, have fun, and enjoy life without any man interrupting it. Everything started off great, I was close to graduating from community college and was accepted into Colo State Fort Collins for the Fall 2003 semester. Life was great and grand and going according to "plan".
But in the end of summer 2002, I went to a friends wedding that changed everything. I met my husband and my world flipped upside down. From then on, my life was a series of "non-planned events". Our engagement and wedding were not as planned, my education didn't go as planned, and now growing our family is not going "as planned".
I do want to clarify, that I am not not grateful for these things happening, it's just something we have noticed.
So lead back in to our conversation...S. and I are finally coming to the realization that we are not here for our own edification. We are here for a bigger purpose and that is to let people know of Jesus' love and affection for us. We may think a husband with kids and a nice house is the path to happiness, but if it isn't what God wants out of your life, then all of that means nothing. I am at peace with life and am ready to surrender to His will.
I found a great site that has online devotionals and this one rang so true to what I was talking about that I thought I'd share it:
"Full Speed Ahead in the Wrong Direction."
I know exactly how you feel. My hubby and I are the biggest planners, too. We had a little signed contract between the two of us about when we would start trying to get preggo, which months it would happen between, when I would quit work, the whole shebang! Of course, I'm pretty sure God just chuckled and shook his head. How silly we were and how much wiser I feel after God has been revealing His ultimate plan for our lives the past 3 years. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit God continues to teach me.
ReplyDeleteOh Mindy! It's been amazing because normally I'd fight His will, just as the devotional I posted mentioned. But recently I have felt at so much peace that I can only say it because we are finally following His will.
ReplyDeleteI will keep you and your husband in my prayers and I can only hope we get to meet each other soon!