Methinks I'm thinking too much

And not in the sense of everyone who has told me to "relax" in the past year was right, but despite the fact I love pregnancy and all that surrounds it, I've been too involved.

After all, this blog is really about our family's quest for a steady relationship with Jesus, for being healthy, for setting up the building blocks necessary for a family, and for starting that family.

Along the line, I lost sight of that and somehow tried to become solely a information hub for all things pregnancy instead of sharing things because the are relevant to our quest.

Jesus and I had a long conversation yesterday and He flat out told me why He hasn't allowed us to be pregnant yet and when we should start trying again. Last I checked, when you get a message loud and clear from the man upstairs, you do as you're told.

That being said, we have an appointment next week with the doctor where we'll ask questions, we'll pray to see if its the right move, and we'll tackle that issue. But, as for actively trying for a baby, I believe that chapter of our lives will be put on hold.

I'm not sure how Steven really feels, but I know that I actually feel relieved. We have a few things to focus on in the time He gave me to wait and I know and trust that He will take care of us.

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Psalm 16:1 (New King James Version)

Psalm 16
A Michtam of David.
1 Preserve me, O God, for in You I put my trust.

One step at a time.

Just like just about everything in life, anything that comes at you you take one step at a time. Every now and then, you get a leap thrown in there to keep you on your toes. We're currently at a step, wait, step, wait, step part of our lives.

As you have read, S. and I are suffering from infertility issues. Technically it's called Male Infertility Factor, or something ridiculous like that, but I consider it to be a team issue rather than his or mine.

Last month S. had a semen analysis performed to determine if he was producing any swimmers and if so, are they moving like they're supposed to. A couple weeks ago his doctor called with the results and we actually got decent news - he was producing a great number of sperm, they just weren't doing much of anything (also known as 'low motility'). So they ordered an ultrasound to see just what could be causing this. The doctor suspected vericocele.

We had the ultrasound done last week and got the results yesterday. Yes, as the doctor suspected, it is varicocele. Now we wait for the doctor to call about surgery.

Here's where I'm actually okay with waiting longer in between the steps. I really don't want to rush into surgery, even if it's only done on an outpatient basis and done frequently and safe, etc. What types of surgery are there? What's the success rate? Complication rate? How easy is pregnancy after? How long do we have to wait for him to be healed? The list of questions are never-ending.

Anyway, I'm sure these will all be brought up with the doctor and we will be able to make a better decision then - taking another step and then waiting.

Live, love, and, above all, Laugh!

Last night we went out with some very old family friends of S.'s (about 20 years!) and had a fabulous night. During the night, the hostess went around and shared a fond memory of how her and her guests met - giving us insight into the strangers we were meeting (as the only tie all of us had was our lovely hostess).

She gets to me and starts talking about how she feels S. and I seem to have a connection and use humor a lot in our relationship. And how she wants to get to know that more. At first I smiled and agreed, but after really thinking about it, I am so incredibly happy to have heard our relationship explained like that.

This morning S. decided to finish putting the hardware on our kitchen cabinets (finally after 3 years! haha) and he went and also fixed the handle on the freezer door. I was super happy, made a joke that he's like MacGyver, he rushes to youtube to put on the theme song, and I respond with "Ohhh! inspiration, eh?". He then responds yes, starts dancing before returning to work and I laughed my butt off.

Not that this is just as hilarious to anyone else, but my point is that this guy is my best friend and I love laughing with him and love the fact that others see that.

Our recent news hasn't even changed this fact one bit. As a matter of fact, it's the humor that has gotten us through and made us stronger. Actually, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in all my life as I have the past week. S.'s humor is amazing and I really hope one day, if those of you reading haven't already, get to experience it.

And it seems I've put a few people in suspense with my previous posts, so I'll add a quick update here:

I ovulated late this month, so I go in for my progesterone test on the 13th.
S. went in for his ultrasound on Thursday and we'll get the results next week.

And so we have a verdict.

On Tuesday morning we got a call from my OB giving me the results of the HSG. Although I already knew it was a good outcome, I still had a moment of panic. But she reassured me that all is well and my system is working fine.

Literally 30 seconds after I hung up with my doctor, I get a call on our office line from S.'s urologist. I pass the line to him, in a high from my first call thinking we're ok, but no.

He's got a great count, but severe low motility. So they want to schedule an ultrasound and see what's going on.

We had kind of an off day the rest of the day, but after some conversation we realize there's only a few things we can do and that's that: leave it up to Jesus, as it's already in His hands, and just trust His plan, and go get the ultrasound done so we can find out more about why the low motility.

And while I'm sharing this news with you, the general public (meaning our friends, relatives and acquaintances) do not know and we'd like to keep it that way, at least for now. :) We're very appreciative.

The ultrasound is tomorrow morning.

We are very appreciative of the prayers that have been coming our way. Will continue to keep this updated. :)

The HSG procedure

As previously mentioned, I said I would give an update on the entire procedure. And so, not to disappoint, here it is:

We went in at 8am on 12/31/09 for my HSG. I was admitted to the hospital (as an outpatient) and then waited for like 45 min. (I'm assuming the Dr wasn't even there yet as I was told later I was their first patient of the day.) Anyway, I get in and have S. with me. I'm assuming the tech I had realized I was nervous to no end, so she began explaining the procedure.

I needed to get undressed from the waist down and put on one of their beautiful gowns that expose you in the back. I would then lie down, much like the position we take for our annual paps. The doctor would then use a http://img1.tradeget.com/sarwar%5CQAUDRU6I1cusco_vaginal_speculum.jpg speculum to open the entrance to our cervix. My Dr. then inserted a small tube with a teeny tiny balloon and the end of it that would inflate and open the cervix. Then die is pumped through the tube up into my cervix and then through the fallopian tubes. As this is happening they are taking x-rays of my abdomen, also asking me to tilt on my left pelvis and right pelvis.

S. was then asked to leave and then I was asked more personal questions. I thought this was funny simply because Steve knows all of this, but then I came to realize that there may be pregnancies that aren't as wonderful as ours and spouses have secrets.

The procedure began and went as described.

Oh yeah, and as the balloon inflates, I would feel a sensation. They said it might be a super quick pain, but for me it was VERY uncomfortable - much like a bad cramp. I didn't like that balloon in me and not because it was painful, it just didn't feel happy.

They said that if there were any scar tissues or blockages, they'd let me know, however the Dr. gave me a huge green light and said everything looked beautiful. He asked if I wanted to see my pics and I, of course, said yes. The Dr. left and I was able to talk with the tech, she was amazing - showing me my fallopian tubes, which are SUPER small. I had no idea. She likened them to angel hair pasta. Now I'm hungry.

Anyway, I was given a pad the size of an encyclopedia because the dye will continue to leak from me. Cramps are normal afterward, as is spotting. However, if you find you are bleeding HEAVY (like going through a pad in an hour), have a fever, are sick, or have gnarly discharge then get to an ER quick as you have signs of an infection. This isn't likely, as the procedure is super sterile, but they need to give the precautions anyway. Some OBs who order the test prescribe an antibiotic BEFORE hand, but I was lucky enough that mind didn't (I wouldn't have taken it anyway).

As I've mentioned, I showed no signs of blockage or scaring, which is what this test is for. But, the tech did say that sometimes there is a slight blockage that isn't detected in the tests and women find they get pregnant immediately after.

To end, the whole thing lasted a total of about a little over an hour (from the time I arrived the hospital to the time I left) and the actual procedure was only about 15 min.

I was incredibly nervous going in but really want to let you know that it wasn't anything like I was making it out to be.

If you or someone you know is having this done and want to ask any questions, feel free to contact me.

2010 - here's to another decade!

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope you all enjoyed your time with family or friends or both.

S. and I rang in the New Year with some old buddies. We had a blast and it made me wish that we never had our moments of squabbles through the years. But, instead of looking back, it's time to look forward and make new memories. :)

I was going to make a separate post for this, but I will do that later (where I'll go through the entire procedures step by step). Instead I'll give a quick update on tests.

We get S.'s results this week.

I already did my first blood test and everything came out wonderfully. I have good levels of FSH, estradiol, prolactin, and my thyroid is fine. I also had my HSG on Thursday and the Doc and tech said everything is functioning normally, there's no scar tissue or blockages (that they could see). The last round of tests will be Jan 9 or 11 and this will be to test my progesterone.

At any rate, we keep getting good news, at least on my part, and that is encouraging for us.

I wish you all nothing but good health, great memories, and happiness in 2010. :)

Tests, tests, and more tests.

We've started testing to see if the plumbing is working, so to speak.

S. is plugging away at his tests.

My tests are a little crazier. I just got blood drawn on Saturday to test my hormones - FSH, Thyroid, Estradiol, and Prolactin.

On Wednesday, I then go in for a HSG - Hysterosalpinogram - to basically make sure my fallopian tubes are clear and functioning properly.

Then I go back to the blood center on either Jan. 9th or 11th to get my progesterone tested.
We should have all results by the end of January and I'll keep this blog updated.

Please keep us in your prayers. I hope that these round of tests find something, as I'm not sure where the next round of tests take us. :-/